What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:19
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do I feel like I want to suck a big dick after injecting meth?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What toxic behavior has been normalized by society?
We were not on the streets..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did Britain steal Gibraltar from Spain?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ive learnt so much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What are examples of real life forced feminization?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why did lobsters evolve bright colors if they are neither poisonous nor venomous?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why are Trump's and Khan's experiences with authorities in the US and Pakistan similar?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
It was going to be , some day.
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
So, i spoilt her more .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She loved him until the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Was to survive, this bastard.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
All the time i was locked up.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I could never make a relationship work though!
What did i know ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot live in the past .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I waited trembling.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I said to her
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My life is so biszare .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Who then, do I blame.?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He knew the spot.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But, we were locked up after school.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is soul school!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So whats the point in blame.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was 9 years of age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She found it foreign!.
I was scared of men, in general
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I don,t even have a pension.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And i lived it daily.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!